


A Quiet Thing

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s04e20 The Rapture, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:51:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into Castiel's thoughts and feelings during his time back in heaven in 4x20 "The Rapture."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Quiet Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written pre-Season 5.

Castiel had been recalled to Heaven, not for a trial, but, to use the terminology that Dean and Sam would likely use, for a ‘verbal reprimand.’

It wasn’t entirely unexpected – Castiel had been pushing his limits for some time now, even before Uriel had been killed. However, interference like convincing Dean Winchester to take the Prophet Chuck to the hotel where Sam and Lilith would agree to halt the apocalypse was not his defining moment in the eyes of Heaven.

Castiel hadn’t done it for Heaven, though. He’d done it for Dean – he knew that Dean would never be able to accept that his brother had slept with their enemy. Dean was still cold towards Sam in regards to his sleeping with Ruby during the time that Dean had been in Hell. Even if it was for what Sam perceived as the greater good, the bond between the brothers would have never recovered from this.

Freed from the body of Jimmy Novak, Castiel attempted to reorient himself to having only his own natural form. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to not have the physical form that Jimmy’s vessel gave him. It was... odd, a sensation he had forgotten. He had inhabited the body of a human for the better part of a year – he found he was more used to it than merely his own.

The decision to warn Dean of what Castiel knew was now coming, of the rise of Lucifer, that it would be by Sam’s own hand that Lucifer would be free, that Ruby herself, who Sam had come to trust, was involved and a willing participant of Lilith’s plans, had been an easy one to make, even knowing that the Archangels themselves would remove him from Jimmy’s vessel in order to prevent such knowledge from reaching the Winchester brothers. He had hoped he’d been stealthy enough to prevent them from realizing his intentions until he was already in the process of telling the brothers just what was coming, but he’d obviously failed.

Castiel ‘stood’ before a circle of his superiors. They warned him about interfering – Angels are servants of their Father, and their Father’s plan stated simply that the apocalypse was to begin in weeks, in Earth time. Although Castiel could not lie to the Angels before him, he harbored doubts about such a plan.

He had seen God’s love among humanity, and wondered why their Father would unleash Hell upon Earth. True, the world was a place where violence was unleashed upon one another... but if Angels like Uriel could kill his fellows, why should humans be exempt from such behavior?

Castiel’s reflections were shattered when he heard Zachariah himself announce the OTHER matter of why Castiel had been recalled: Castiel had fallen in love with the human Dean Winchester, and that he could not serve Heaven and love the human as well. Emotion did not suit an Angel – Angels serve Heaven, they do not serve man, even a man as important as Dean Winchester

Castiel supposed that he should not be surprised that Zachariah and the others were aware of his feelings for Dean. After all, why else would he have risked the wrath of Heaven? Still, he felt the shock ripple through him, both that they knew... and that it was true.

What Castiel now wondered to himself was why loving Dean was wrong? Dean was human, one of God’s creations – if some were to be believed, his favored creations. And in Dean, Castiel saw all of humanity’s greatest traits. Compassion, generosity, hope... He saw these traits in abundance in Dean Winchester. Yes, Dean had his flaws, but man was an imperfect race. In Dean, Castiel saw all the faults and imperfections that was man and loved it for what it was – humanity. 

Zachariah and the others pointed out how it simply was not done – Angel and human were not meant to live together. They only coexisted on separate levels. Most of humanity was unaware of what threatened it on a daily basis, considering Angels and demons simply flights of fantasy at best. Castiel knew that now was not the time to point out that Dean had become well aware of the existence of both by this point, as it would only make things worse for him.

Why did Castiel love Dean? It was simple: Dean was special. Not in the way Heaven perceived it – yes, Dean Winchester was destined to be the one who would break the back of the hordes of Hell, but that was not the source of Castiel’s love for the man. In Dean, Castiel had found a pure soul. Even though Dean had been tainted by darkness, from Azazel’s murder of Mary Winchester to John Winchester’s harsh and unforgiving drive to punish everything that was not human for her death that destroyed any semblance of a normal childhood for the elder Winchester all the way to Dean taking up Alistair’s knife in Hell, Dean’s spirit had remained the purity of the man he was. It was why Dean had been the first Seal – his war on Hell’s minions was to protect the innocents of the world, not to soothe a desire for vengeance. Castiel had watched Dean’s life, from birth to death, and saw in him a man worth trusting, even above the word of God himself.

Castiel did not expect Dean to return or reciprocate his feelings. Dean was a creature of his environment, and humanity placed such undue consideration on the physical appearance of one another. Physically, Castiel was male, and, though Angels had little need for physical distinctions like gender, he found himself preferring to inhabit the bodies of males as well. Dean, though, had a preference for females, though in his past, he’d experimented casually with a few of the boys at whichever high school he’d attended – Dean had never cared enough to remember the names of the places. But Dean always remembered the names of the people, which was what made him so special to Castiel – he CARED. Castiel knew that one day, Dean would ascend to Heaven, though he found himself wanting Dean to die at some far point in the future, peacefully, at a ripe old age. Castiel even entertained the improbable hope that he would be the one who would greet him when he arrived at the Gates.

Finally, Zachariah and the others finished their listing of Castiel’s offenses and completed the ‘reprimand’ with a simple warning. If Castiel were to continue to bend the rules to ‘protect’ Dean, he would be cast out of Heaven, never to feel the touch of God’s love again. Zachariah would be watching him closely for signs of Castiel reverting to his ‘foolish’ behavior.

As Castiel said he understood his new restrictions, he experienced a moment of clarity – He would never stop protecting Dean. His love for Dean was greater than his love of Heaven itself. He hadn’t lied to the Circle. He understood what they were asking him to do.

He just was not going to follow their dictate. He WOULD protect Dean, with or without the approval or acceptance of his fellow Angels.

Castiel was surprised that he had not Fallen simply at the thought. Perhaps the Fall would require the decision of his superiors – Angels could not read one another’s thoughts, so Zachariah and the others would likely just accept his understanding as obedience. 

Then he looked to his fellows. Zachariah still looked at him with suspicion, and Castiel knew he had not convinced him of his sincerity. Hopefully, it would not matter – Zachariah was one voice among the Circle. A powerful voice, but a singular one all the same. 

The Circle seemed convinced – Castiel was to return to Earth. He would take Jimmy Novak’s daughter as a vessel and, when the time came, aid Dean in defeating the demons who had kidnapped the girl and her mother. The Circle not so much said as hinted that Jimmy was not to survive the encounter, a fact which pained Castiel – after spending so much time in the man’s skin, he had come to like him. Knowing Jimmy as he did, Castiel also knew that Jimmy would not want his daughter to be Castiel’s vessel – the dangers he faced were terrifying and damaging to a full grown and physically capable adult man. They would tear apart the mind and body of a ten year old girl, even with Heaven’s Blessing. And so, Castiel already knew how he would handle this. He would offer Jimmy his place in Heaven and take back the body that for so long had been his. He also knew that the Circle could not argue such a decision – they too would see the wisdom of utilizing the body of Jimmy Novak over his daughter.

Likewise, he would be in the form Dean had known him in for so long. When he’d first met Dean Winchester, Dean had compared him to a demon, taking the body of an unwilling victim so that he could walk around, but Angels only took the bodies of the willing, as opposed to demons, who forced their way into whoever crossed their path. By now, Dean knew that Castiel was no demon, but coming to him in another form would only serve to unnerve him – tossing aside a form seemingly casually, much like the demons did. It was a win-for-Heaven, win-for-Castiel situation.

_Strange_ , he thought, _that I consider myself no longer on the side of Heaven._ Was this what it was to Fall? It was not what he expected. He’d thought there would have been a crack of thunder, a booming noise to indicate that he was Fallen. Instead, nothing. Just the certainty that came from the knowledge that he was serving a purpose higher than even God’s Will – Love. For a Human.


End file.
